My Mixed Bag Friend Group Saved My Sanity

Lessons from Philly heartland classrooms and a lifetime of debate

I came into this country—the United States—from Ghana, barely a teenager. Bright-eyed, bushy-tailed and all. I landed in the City of Brotherly Love, so Philly will forever be my second home.

I did all the Philly-est things possible: the street-sold, suspect-as-hell cheesesteaks; every shape and size of pretzel; I loved the Sixers when Allen “AI” Iverson was in his prime; I hit Hersheypark; I lived real inner-city life. I was in Philly, in high school, on September 11, 2001. That was a mess. So by now you know I’m at least in my early forties. Keep that in mind as you read.

When it was time for college, I made a very on-brand decision for a kid who spent way too much time watching movies (lifelong cinephile here) and heartland TV. I love the heartland—the horses, the cows, the woods—so I skipped Drexel and Temple and headed to southwestern PA, Monaca, to see how the other half lived.

This may shock my Gen Z-ers, but back then it was weird for an 18-year-old to have a political brand. There was no MAGA. We mostly just…got along. My freshman-year crew? A Chinese girl and a German guy, both straight from home, and a girl from West Virginia I fell for and still talk to. (I’ve watched her get married and raise three kids. Life is wild.)

We had very different views on almost everything. The country seemed to be at war with everyone; we were debating whether the nation was into torture—sorry, “enhanced interrogation”—and a whole menu of heavy topics. News anchors mostly read the news instead of crafting cinematic universes. We’d argue, get loud, get a little drunk, and then meet up the next day to do it all again. Social media was for finding people you actually knew; there were no “influencers,” just that one guy with a MySpace top eight and too much hair gel.

I’m here to tell you: that kind of youth made me a happier adult. I have friends who are MAGA. We talk, we laugh, we trust each other—because we know each other. There’s nothing wrong with being friends with folks who don’t always agree with you. In fact, it might be one of the best things you can do for your mental health and growth.

Let me tell you why.

The upside of friendly friction

Picture a dinner table where the group chat came to life: one friend speaks fluent spreadsheets, another thinks in sketches, someone grew up on a farm, someone else in a walk-up over a bodega. When you toss a messy real-world problem into that mix, the answers get better—not because anyone’s a genius, but because the blind spots don’t line up. That’s exactly what a PNAS study showing diverse problem solvers can outperform high-ability groups found. Translation: the team with different brains wins more often on the hard stuff.

And it’s not just your closest people who move the needle. The life-changing tips—job leads, oddball ideas, introductions you didn’t know you needed—often arrive through acquaintances. Sociologist Mark Granovetter called this the “strength of weak ties”: the soccer-sideline parent, the ex-coworker you grab coffee with once a year, your neighbor you only see when you both miss trash day. Those looser connections carry new information into your world.

Wild bonus: variety seems to help your body, too. In a frankly heroic experiment where researchers literally exposed volunteers to cold viruses, people with a wider mix of social roles—family, friends, coworkers, clubs—were less likely to get sick. That comes straight from a JAMA study on social ties and susceptibility to the common cold. Your immune system apparently likes a well-rounded contact list.

Zoom out even more and the pattern holds. Decades of data from the Harvard Study of Adult Development keep pointing to the same headline: the quality of our relationships tracks with long-term health and happiness. If you want the quick version, the Harvard Gazette overview of the study’s findings is an easy, encouraging read.

One caveat from the modern world: don’t outsource your “opposing views” practice to the algorithm. Jumping into online food fights can backfire. A large field experiment on Twitter found that forced exposure to the other side increased polarization for many people. In real life, with context and care, disagreements tend to land softer—and teach more.

My simple rules for a well-rounded friend group

Make a personal board of directors. 

Keep a skeptic, an optimist, a data-nerd, a creative, and someone who loves you enough to tell you when you’ve got spinach in your teeth and your logic.

Argue like you want to hang out tomorrow. 

Steelman each other (“If I’m hearing you right, your best point is…”). No ad-hominems. Ten minutes on the hot topic, then tacos.

Go offline for the spicy stuff. 

Coffee beats comments. Your cortisol will thank you—and the research suggests online exposure isn’t the magic fix anyway.

Refresh your weak ties. 

Once a quarter, join something new—class, rec league, volunteer shift. That’s how you tap the “weak ties” channel for new opportunities.

When all your friends think like you, you get comfort. When they don’t, you get growth. I’m not collecting contrarians like rare sneakers; I’m building a circle where curiosity beats certainty and affection survives disagreement. That little spark between different minds? That’s how we learn, stay human, and, apparently, dodge the common cold.

Medical Disclaimer

The information provided in this article is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. It should not be used to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any medical or mental health condition. Always seek the guidance of a qualified healthcare professional or licensed mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition, diagnosis, or treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking it because of something you have read here.