When did men stop going up to women?

A grounded introduction to Medicare, key changes, and what you must act on before Open Enrollment

In recent years, many women have asked: “Why don’t men ever come up to talk to us anymore?” One viral social-media post from a young lady (via @the_lady_j__) cheekily replied: “When women asked men to stop.” On the surface it’s funny and light-hearted; beneath that joke is a genuine shift in how men and women connect in public spaces.

A world where “hello” feels like a risk

Once upon a time, approaching someone at a bar, grocery store, or coffee shop was ordinary. Now it’s a borderline social experiment. Men — particularly those under 35 — are less likely to initiate conversation in public, preferring the safety of apps like Tinder, Hinge, or Bumble.

Why? According to research published in the Journal of Social Sciences 96% of single people used dating apps during the pandemic, with men leading that surge. That digital shift, accelerated by lockdowns and cultural shifts like the #MeToo movement, changed the social script for what counts as “acceptable” flirting.

As psychologist David Buss of the University of Texas notes, “Technological abundance has altered human mating systems.” When every interaction can be screenshotted, misinterpreted, or go viral, the stakes of a simple compliment feel higher.

Numbers don’t flirt — but they do tell a story

• 59% of single men aged 18-25 say they haven’t approached a woman in the past year.

• 80% of men report fear of rejection or misinterpretation when approaching women.

• One in three first dates now originates online, according to Pew Research.

Men’s hesitation isn’t necessarily about disinterest; it’s about context. As one Medium columnist put it, “It’s not that men stopped approaching women. It’s that the creepy ones didn’t get the memo.”

From approach to algorithm

Dating apps have created what economist Tim Harford once called “the marketplace of maybe.” Swipes have replaced smiles. A New York Post study showed that men, on average, rate women as more attractive than vice versa, leading to fierce competition for a smaller pool of perceived “matches.”

The result? Paralysis. When every option feels temporary, why risk embarrassment at a café when you can wait for a notification?

Sociologists have noted similar declines in spontaneous social interactions across the board — from chatting in checkout lines to initiating small talk on public transit. The Sun even reported that today’s young adults are half as likely to accept a casual invite from a stranger compared to the 1980s.

A generational re-write

For Gen Z and younger millennials, public interaction feels like a lost art. Social norms emphasize consent, boundaries, and digital pre-screening — all important, but they’ve made the spontaneous “meet-cute” an endangered species.

The shift doesn’t spell the end of romance, just its relocation. Connection still thrives — it just happens through screens first, smiles second.

Final reflection

When did men stop going up to women to talk to them? Somewhere between the rise of dating apps, the cultural re-definition of boundaries, and a collective case of social hesitation. But human curiosity hasn’t disappeared — it’s just expressing itself in quieter, safer, more digital ways.

Maybe the next revolution in connection won’t be another app; maybe it’ll be rediscovering the courage to say hello again.

Medical Disclaimer

The information provided in this article is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. It should not be used to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any medical or mental health condition. Always seek the guidance of a qualified healthcare professional or licensed mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition, diagnosis, or treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking it because of something you have read here.